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Thursday 2 November 2006

Jobs you love to hate [shedir]

There's certain things about being a grown up you love and some you don't, but if there's one thing I despise wasting time on above all others it's gardening.
I've no interest in it, I've got hay fever and if it wasn't for the weans i'd slab the bloody thing. But they need grass to play on, so it's there. Mocking me. Annoying me. Consuming my TIME.
This time of year, blessed winter, has only one curse leaves. I hate the ritual lifting of the leaves, hours of toil to show...grass. ARGH it's a proper PITA and I've not even got a big garden, but it's all fenced so stuff gets blown in with no escape route.
A trip to B&Q to get a leaf rake at £15 turned up a leaf blower/shredder at £25. 15m extension cord at £12 and I'm armed :)
I've woken the neighbours, decimated the hated leaves and cleaned up in time for the wife to produce my dinner. Money well spent.
N.B. Wives are not allowed to continue this blog
So what tasks do other clannies have to do with they despise yet wierdos out there adore?


  1. Gardening tops my list too. It does have some saving graces though. This time of year I usually don the Oakley shades & can be found in the garden, leaf blower slung over the shoulder, reenacting the minigun scene from Terminator 2. When trimming the trees, I sometimes slip in a quick "Heres Spiny!" in honour of The Shining.
    Decorating runs a close second, if only for the lack of scope for cinematic homage.

  2. Washing Cars.
    Ours get done once or twice a year whether they need it or not.
    Why on earth anyone would spend an afternoon every weekend cleaning and polishing a bog standard car is beyond me.
    I guess it makes them look nice for a day but then I drive to work, past where the cows cross the road to the dairy and its back to square one :-(

  3. Also garden related here. We have quite a large garden and the lawn needs mowing. The problem is we've only got an electric mower and if you don't really keep on top of the mowing, it stays wet underneath this time of year. So it constantly clogs up. And there's the switching of the lead from the shed to the house, extension cord pissing about, gathering up the cuttings and that shit. It's just a massive pain in the arse and we have no good reason to have a large lawn anyway.
    So I've had enough. Short term we'll pay some bloke to come along with a proper environment destroying noisy petrol mower and do the whole fucking joint. Longer term, the lawn is getting ripped out and replaced with shrubs and garden features with just a more narrow strip of lawn. Death to it.
    Oh and weeding/maintaining the fecking fish-pond is getting on my tits too. I'd enjoy it if it was a proper one but it's a really badly done one that constantly gets silted up because the geniuses who made it didn't put pebbles on the bottom and then filled it with bottom-disturbing koi. This is getting ripped out and all.

  4. I hate it me. I hate going outside into the garden really.
    I've nicely slabbed my back garden, even got an honourable mention from Kirsty Allsop when she did a Location, Location, Location on the neighbours house. We've bought some nice patio furniture but I've never sat on it for more than 10 minutes, I find it so dull.
    The front garden is a poxy 5ftx5ft piece of grass and soil. It houses the compost bin in the corner and the garden is left, until Mrs Homey biffs out and cuts the grass with some shears, backbreaking work but I ain't doing it. She is also in charge of washing the car. I rock.
    Shedir, leaf blower! LEAF BLOWER! The most useless, lazy man's fucktoy ever invented. Every time I see some 'handyman' using one I scream (inside), they don't even fucking work that well.
    Use a fucking rake, get a fucking sweat up, you lazy cunt.
    Better still, leave them over winter, attract some bugs and you'll have a garden full of tweety birds come spring, which the kids will enjoy watching/throwing stones at.