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Wednesday 30 March 2005

In new music we trust [Slim]

I guess music taste is pretty cyclical, so I suppose its usual that popular taste coincides with your own from time to time. But fuck me if there's not a shitload of wonderful music around right now.
Bands that are currently rocking my cock:
Kasabian, Kaiser Cheifs, Hot hot heat, The Kills, The Bravery, Bloc Party, The Subways, just shitloads of really good stuff coming a long.
A fair few have been introduced to me through the Zane Low show on radio1. Love or hate him, he does play some top stuff. Oh and some utter dross :)
Anyone else found some good new shit?

School dinners - why? [Lurks]

Jamie Oliver pulled on his do-gooer mockney slippers once again and this time hatched a show to demonstrate how poor school dinners are. I never saw the show but given that the budget for these children's meals was thirty seven pence, it's not difficult to see why it largely consisted of a slice of bread and two spoonfulls of beans.
It would appear that his campaign/publicity stunt (depending how you view it) succeeded in getting £280M extra pledged to raise the quality of kid's meals at school. All cracking stuff, I'm sure you'll agree.
I don't though. Why? Well, when I went to school you brought a packed lunch. Mine was a sandwich, box of raisins and mini carton of ribena. Sometimes I swapped my stuff with the other kids. I note also that the packed lunch concept is also prevalent on the continent as well, so why is it exactly that we need to be spending money to poorly feed our school children at all?
Why the fuck can't parents take responsibility and do it?
Near me, the local primary schools are all packed out and you've got no chance of getting your kids into them and yet significant space is given over to the 'school dinner' rooms and kitchens etc. Shouldn't this space be classrooms instead?
I'm baffled by it all quite frankly.

Monday 28 March 2005

Mortality Shit [Am]

I find that every time you contemplate your own death in the absence of rocket launchers, splooge guns, wise cracking fuckos from a never-ending but never-specified part of New York, grapple-hooks, some pointlessly revised exactness of some SWAT equipment or an honest to goodness double barreled shotgun to the face, well, it makes me think that we don't pay a lot of attention to the possibility of imminent death whatsoever.
Get plasma-bumped towards The Edge overhanging a lava filled mortality drop? You contemplate plenty. Piss about in quote unquote real life on the A2 into work driving 2 tons of chariot at 95mph to work? No you don't - you just don't really worry.
Well I don't.
But of course we shall and we will all die. And avoiding it or at least not acknowledging the presence of the influence is just daft. Simultaneously being scared of it also seems like a proper right fucking waste of time.
So here's the question; you're all alive *certain patterns of IRC participation not withstanding* - how do you feel about your inevitable death and how does it influence what you do today?
Cheery? Yes. Pretty fuckin important? Yes.....

Wednesday 23 March 2005

Trapped inna Blizzard [Am]

Are you playing World of Warcraft? Is it jolly good? Well lucky old you because I'm not, nor are several thousand, probably tens of thousands, of subscribers.
You and I are currently exchanging information via the medium known as the internet. It's been around for donkeys, supports the transfer of trillions of dollars a day (no it really does) and has now executed so many financial transactions that it is almost inconceivable that any business, let alone a multi-million dollar revenue stream business could possibly fuck up something as simple are taking a payment and applying it to an account. Impossible. Inconceivable. Don’t make my dog bark he would laugh so hard that it could not possibly happen or you would sleep with the fishes Carlo mi armore.
In short, to fuck this up would require ineptness of such a degree that trying to get your head around how inept it was would drive one so mad that it would send grown men laughing into the bathroom to drown themselves headfirst in the toilet. It would, in fact, be simplement incroyable.
That is until now...
Due to some absolutely triple AAA gilt-edge astoundingly, spankingly, inept fucktardery-du-jour by Blizzard Entertainment, it appears that we have been living in some Orwellian / Matrixian fantasy and in fact you and I are currently communicating via the medium known as teh interweb. The interweb has has only been around for a couple of weeks now and is largely held together by sticky back plastic, a lot of pipe cleaners and a complex network of string and minature tin cans that starts from inside your "modem". At some point out, taking an effective payment over the interweb will be possible but it's probably 40 to 50 years out.
But not at present. Oh no. "Oh No Am?" you say "surely it must be possible to take a payment over the internet". No my brother, nyet my sister it's fucking NOT. There is not internet, only the interweb, and on the interweb, it's just toooooooooo fucking hard. It's just simply impossible. I mean fuck me, it's a miracle we're all able to breathe and walk at the same time given the difficulty of some of these tasks and your belief that Blizzard would have set up a game for 1.5 million subscribers with some sort of institutional strength account system shows you up for the sort of lolly-gagging delusional screaming donut you surely are.
What? You actually think that a commercial enterprise that's apparently "lost" tens of thousands of credit card details, which has its telephone support lines now rejecting all calls, whose online payment system is showing as much life as the eponymous parrot and whose forums are devoid of information and whose front page is still touting as its latest news item the (surprising) success of its pre-paid cards is somehow responsible for its actions?
Well that's just crazy fucked up shit. You can't be saying that shit round here. You can't even thinking it. Get yourself straight with that kind of lunacy seen?
For you to even posit the possibility of mentioning things shows you up for the non-conformist interweb mmorpg deviant you are. I can’t even imagine on what basis you might possibly imagine life should be better. Surely the WoW billing experience is the best of all experiences in the best of all possible worlds? For you to suggest otherwise....well...... I mean... the gaul of it....

Friday 18 March 2005

Medusas [Spiny]

Couldn't reply to the 5.1 headphone blog, got 'ERROR: Unable to save comment (couldn't create file)'.

Web reviews on the Medusa 5.1 headies seem positive.
Beej, I need retail therapy. What's your long term verdict on these?

Wednesday 9 March 2005

Not a stinker [Spiny]

The new logitech mouse is a beefed up MX510

Wireless keyboards [Lurks]

They suck! I mean the desktop kind, you know - the ones that never bloody move. Or at the most they move a few centimetres around your desk and yet this 'mobility' and 'cord free cleanliness' is worth building in a radio transmitter and a set of batteries.
Why is it that the batteries always conk out right when you really fecking need to do something as well?
I've just had to steal the damn rechargables out of the wireless mouse to run the keyboard and plugged in a wired mouse.
Absolutely retarded.

Thursday 3 March 2005

Ad sales people [Lurks]

The bane of marketing folks like me (I know many of you consider us guys as the bane of your lives, so I thought you'd enjoy this) are advert sales people, generally from magazines but any sort of sales person whose job it is to flog services to companies. People like me are the primary point of contact and typically I get half a dozen to a dozen calls a day and each one fluffs up my company with praise and then plugs their title as if I've never heard of it and then hits me up for cash.
It's so bad that probably 1/3rd of my calls are from people I want to speak to and so I make good use of the office answering machine. Amazingly each one of these guys expects me to call them back which is akin to a door to door sales person leaving a note asking if you wouldn't mind popping around their house when you're free. In some ploy to make you return the call they don't say what it's about but their easy-going everybody's friend telephone manner gives away their job role easily enough.
So it amused me when today I called another senior marketing person about something or other and I got a telephone answering machine message that said:

"Hello, you've reached Bloke X at Company Y, I've given up answering my phone due to the volume of ad sales calls but if you aren't one of those then please leave a message and I'll get back to you. If you are an ad sales person, we make computer games so hang up now. If your title is useful for a company that makes computer games please also feel free to leave a message but know that I will not be returning your call unless I'm interested in advertising in your publication. If the matter is urgent you can call me on my mobile. If you're an ad sales person and you don't have my mobile number then let's be grateful for this small mercy."

Wednesday 2 March 2005

New series - the camera never lies! [Houmous]

What you are looking at here is a recently rediscovered photo of my good self at the tender age of about 11 having won a competition in the Brentford, Ealing and Chiswick Times to become the proud owner of the actual Rolex worn by James Bond in Thunderball.
The floozy presenting it to me (at Ealing Odeon) is Molly Peters an actress who appears early on in the film (as a nurse) and is one of Sean C’s early conquests.
Note how my pathetic skinny wrist is to small for the watch (which I never saw again - my mum swapped it for a Timex - "far more sensible for you Son") even on its tightest setting.
Molly Peters refused to come in and watch the film with me (“I've seen it six times love") and I spent months wanking myself stupid thinking of her (her breasts were pushing into me for a good 10 mins while the press took photos).
To this day I make Di dress up in a nurses uniform at least twice a month....sigh

He wears frilly knickers and he wears a bra [Slim]

My local station, Manx Radio, carried the ranting this morning of the lead happy-clapping nut job in charge of the protests outside our Theatre this week. He's handing out pro christian propoganda to people going to see a production of Jesus Christ Superstar.
The most alarming thing he said was that not only were they attempting to counter the imagery in the show, but were also hoping that simply by attending, that they would intimidate people enough that they wouldn't even consider going to see the show.
What is with these people? We're bombarded with pro christian brainwashing all day long, yet the second something that may carry an alternative opinion comes up, they want to ban and boycott it. What are they scared of? Is their faith so shakey that they can't allow people to make up their own mind?
This is a very dangerous way of thinking. I accept that christians have their beliefs, and let them have their say. Why can't they do the same back to the rest of society?