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Wednesday 23 March 2005

Trapped inna Blizzard [Am]

Are you playing World of Warcraft? Is it jolly good? Well lucky old you because I'm not, nor are several thousand, probably tens of thousands, of subscribers.
You and I are currently exchanging information via the medium known as the internet. It's been around for donkeys, supports the transfer of trillions of dollars a day (no it really does) and has now executed so many financial transactions that it is almost inconceivable that any business, let alone a multi-million dollar revenue stream business could possibly fuck up something as simple are taking a payment and applying it to an account. Impossible. Inconceivable. DonĂ¢€™t make my dog bark he would laugh so hard that it could not possibly happen or you would sleep with the fishes Carlo mi armore.
In short, to fuck this up would require ineptness of such a degree that trying to get your head around how inept it was would drive one so mad that it would send grown men laughing into the bathroom to drown themselves headfirst in the toilet. It would, in fact, be simplement incroyable.
That is until now...
Due to some absolutely triple AAA gilt-edge astoundingly, spankingly, inept fucktardery-du-jour by Blizzard Entertainment, it appears that we have been living in some Orwellian / Matrixian fantasy and in fact you and I are currently communicating via the medium known as teh interweb. The interweb has has only been around for a couple of weeks now and is largely held together by sticky back plastic, a lot of pipe cleaners and a complex network of string and minature tin cans that starts from inside your "modem". At some point out, taking an effective payment over the interweb will be possible but it's probably 40 to 50 years out.
But not at present. Oh no. "Oh No Am?" you say "surely it must be possible to take a payment over the internet". No my brother, nyet my sister it's fucking NOT. There is not internet, only the interweb, and on the interweb, it's just toooooooooo fucking hard. It's just simply impossible. I mean fuck me, it's a miracle we're all able to breathe and walk at the same time given the difficulty of some of these tasks and your belief that Blizzard would have set up a game for 1.5 million subscribers with some sort of institutional strength account system shows you up for the sort of lolly-gagging delusional screaming donut you surely are.
What? You actually think that a commercial enterprise that's apparently "lost" tens of thousands of credit card details, which has its telephone support lines now rejecting all calls, whose online payment system is showing as much life as the eponymous parrot and whose forums are devoid of information and whose front page is still touting as its latest news item the (surprising) success of its pre-paid cards is somehow responsible for its actions?
Well that's just crazy fucked up shit. You can't be saying that shit round here. You can't even thinking it. Get yourself straight with that kind of lunacy seen?
For you to even posit the possibility of mentioning things shows you up for the non-conformist interweb mmorpg deviant you are. I canĂ¢€™t even imagine on what basis you might possibly imagine life should be better. Surely the WoW billing experience is the best of all experiences in the best of all possible worlds? For you to suggest otherwise....well...... I mean... the gaul of it....


  1. See, even they don't want you poncing about with wands like some pointy eared Graham Norton.
    Come & play some RS, CS:S, CoD or even Brothers In Arms...

  2. World of Warcraft is probably the best multiplayer game of all time and it's pretty much all of EED that are playing it appart from you. So um, you'll excuse me if I don't go back to some old sneaky deathmatch game I got tired of five years ago, mmkay?

  3. I'm just jealous, sat here in a darkened room stroking my well oiled Garand with a 1000 yard stare :)

  4. There is even more muppetry with regards to their billing, I was checking my statement yesterday and saw a debit for something called the croydon park hotel.
    I checked online and there was something of this name, but afaik I have never even been to croydon, so I phoned my bank and they told me that they have had a number of calls on this issue already and that it is actually for an online gaming company called blizzard.