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Monday 1 November 2004

A plan so cunning... [Muz]

Good day readers. I was having a conversation this morning with a fellow student, and as student conversations tend to do, it turned to politics. While discussing the asylum situation, the point was made that asylum seekers overall are a very hardworking group. The unemployment rate among asylum seekers is almost non-existant, and because they possess a great desire to stay in this country, they also tend to be very conscientious in whatever employ they find.

This is when it hit me. What we need to do is take advantage of this phenomenon. I submit it to you, readers, a plan so elegant in its simplicity that Baldric himself would be hard pressed to match it.

1) Round up the entire adult chav population.2) Deport, kill, or otherwise dispose of half of said population.3) Use freed up accomodation to house hardworking asylum seekers.

Can there be any drawbacks to this plan? A decrease in the chav population can only be a good thing - they are procreating far too rapidly for anyone's liking. The disposal of half of them will hopefully motivate the remaining half to get off their backsides and do something to enrich society. At the same time, the hardworking asylum seekers who take all the working class jobs that British people don't want realise that they aren't unappreciated. Getting rid of such a large proportion of our population in order to make room for them can only be seen as a supreme gesture of goodwill.

So, does anyone have any other plans for curing Britain's social ills? Or even refinements to my own?


  1. This whole Chav thing is tiresome in the extreme.


  2. Yes, they ARE tiresome in the extreme. Although having experienced the genuine Scottish Ned over the summer, I'm not sure that England has quite caught up with the standards of subhuman scum that can be produced in Glasgow and Edinburgh!

    Muz - The developed world has been "taking advantage" of the phenomenon you describe for millenia. People from poorer countries come to richer countries and big cities and do the jobs that nobody from the more developed society would lower themselves to doing. Then people from the richer countries whinge about them stealing all their jobs, of course.

    (Becuase obviously the dolescum would be out there working their arses off if the filthy immigrants hadn't taken all the gainful shit-shovelling employment, you know....)


  3. Anti-social bastard! You were in Glasgow and didn't give a shout, shocking.

    You probably just forgot, as is your want ;)


  4. I was only passing through I'm afraid - I did a whistlestop tour of Scotland that had me in Glasgow in the morning and then heading on to Dundee in the afternoon.

    Last time I was in Glasgow I was about 14. Not much has changed in the intervening decade, eh? :)

    (I mean not much about Glasgow. I've obviously got fatter and hairier.)


  5. The asylum stuff is nuts, no mistake. While people thump their chest about how immigration is dragging the country down, does anyone see their own sons and daughters manning the local kebab shop or cleaning the bogs in an office building?

    I've hear people moan about immigrants in the pub and then hit the curry house afterwards. The chav stuff, while amusing, has a more serious point here. Those under educated layabout stealing breeding scumbag chavs, well .... they're all white, they're all British. These days they're bothering me a hell of a lot more than my local Pakistani shop that thinks nothing of blaring out dodgy wailing music and banging on in foreign lingo right there in front of the customers. It used to but not any more. Chavs have played a part.

    At least the Mohammed has gotten off his arse and has started a viable local business. I can't see my local chav population mastering anything besides the art of filling in various claim forms.


  6. Give me the choice of spending an evening with an Indian, Bangladeshi or Pakistani descended family who run your local emporium (heh an effort not to put the "n" in there readers) or Darren and Waynetta Chav and I don't think it's too hard to figure out which one you do eh. Most of the people I know who've been that kind of immigrant-descendee family (and some of these families have been here for many generations so long it's not really even that relevant anymore are some of the niceest people you could meet in the British Isles full stop). Only problem is the more generations get on the more the younger ones start picking up gangsta / chavsta charcteristics.


  7. You know what would sort out all these chavs, bring back national service. That would sort them out and for that matter, could also sort out these layabout students who clearly have too much time on their hands.


  8. That's nice dear now run along.


  9. There is certainly a problem with later generations of immigrant families becoming just as layabout as the native Anglo-Saxon chav, but hey, there's integration for you - inter-cultural understanding through shared love for cheap fake jewelry, knock-off designer tracksuits and cars with badly stuck on body kits.

    End of the day, though, English society - like every other society on these islands, and throughout much of Europe - is traditionally good at integrating new peoples. The history of the British archipelago is basically "such and such arrived (be it by invasion, by invitation or just on holiday), liked the place, settled down, integrated, and now we can't tell the buggers apart," repeated over and over again. Obviously some people integrate better than others, and I'm not saying it's a reason to sit back and go "oh well it'll all be fine in the end then, so we don't need to work at it" - just that in the long run, I don't think there's anything really serious to worry about in terms of immigration and British "culture".

    Skeeve, the legal immigrants tend to be the ones who come over to do a host of skilled jobs which we don't have people to do - like staffing the NHS, for example. The illegal ones are the ones that end up here doing the jobs that nobody else will do - working as labourers on construction sites, shovelling shit in sewers, scrubbing toilets in office buildings... Or picking cockles on Morecombe Bay, those poor bastards.

    The talk of cracking down hard on all illegal immigrants should be tempered by looking at the examples of nations where illegal immigration is tiny due to incredibly strict controls, like Japan - where rampant xenophobia forces immigration to be insanely low despite the fact that the country has a massive and crippling lack of unskilled labour, which is incredibly damaging to the economy.