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Wednesday 30 May 2007

Driving Me Mad [Spiro]

I passed my test many, many moons ago, but as I was living in London I had no need to drive a car. Now I find myself, several years later commuting in and out of Cardiff daily, a round trip of about 80 miles.
This was made a lot easier with the purchase of my new car a Ford Focus 1.6 TDCI Sport. I’ve been driving this route since November 2006 and its very easy, basically you follow the A470 all the way. It’s a lovely road, nice tarmac; beautiful bends and nice long straights make for a fun ride in. Driving at about 75 for most of the 1hr drive, compared to London driving it’s a joy.
Except for the rest of the fuckers on the road. I’m right now putting up the Welsh as the worst drivers in the world ever. One of my early morning duties before driving is to switch on the local radio and make a note of all of the accidents on the roads on my way in. This can be anything from 3 to 14, I shit you not, one day on the way home, 14 accidents and the same road, all within 2ish miles. I’ve actually watched a man drive his car straight into the back of the car in front, even though he had more than enough room to stop.
The inside lane seems to be a mystery to the Welsh; I think they’re under the impression that as long as you’re doing over 60 you must drive in the outside lane. But of course the speed limit is 70 so we must be safe and stick to 60 whilst we’re there!!! FFS, move over, the outside lane is for overtaking! The odd few who do pull over when they finally notice you behind them (mainly because my full beams have been on for a while) will then swerve violently across the lanes with out indicating or (guessing here) checking their mirrors.
When pulling out into the outside lane your average Welsh driver will again not indicate or check their mirrors and will have absolutely no fucking idea that them driving at 40 could ever possibly be a problem for the car (whom they’ve just cut up) coming up behind them at 70, all I’ll say is thank god for ESP and ABS.
Another thing is the rain, it makes the roads slippery and it reduces visibility. My new car is Black, as a rule I tend to drive with side lights on (even in full daylight) and if visibility is reduced dipped lights. I’m amazed and shocked and the number of Welsh drivers who will never turn their lights on, no matter how bad the weather. What do they think? using their lights is going to wear them out? Part of my route is through a mountain pass and it’s a twisty turny road especially at night. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve encountered cars travelling the opposite direction with just sidelights on in the pitch black! Not only does this not give them enough light to see but it also reduces the distance that I can see them coming from.
Roundabouts! IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO INDICATE THAT YOU’RE ACTUALLY GOING RIGHT AND NOT STRAIGHT ON! I’ve almost had two nasty accidents because of this, the car is coming round with no indication so I assume they’re going straight on. I’ve started to pull out or in one case actually had pulled out to find they’re almost on top of me. The worst in this situation is, it’d be my fault.
One last bitch, parking, if you can’t park take some extra lessons. I’d love to name and shame the fuckers who park in the free parking next to the cricket ground just off Cathedral road in Cardiff. The bays provided are capable of holding four cars easily, there are no white lines to separate the individual parking bays but surely common sense will tell you that you’re taking up one and a half spaces? I’ve never seen such a bad display of parking ever. Those of you who have lived in London will know parking is precious and you learn very quickly how to squeeze your car in to the smallest space possible.
And yes I’m talking to you the lazy bitch in the red Kia who can’t park to save her life, get some lessons and sort your shit out.
I have my flaws, I drive far to fast when I can, I can drive aggressively, sitting on your arse till you move, flashing my lights, forcing you to stop to let me out. But I can Park, Indicate, use my mirrors and If someone is coming up faster then me I PULL THE FUCK OVER.
I’m sure there are worse examples than the Welsh, but I’ve yet to meet them. I also probably have more issues and bitches but I’m so angry after having been cut up again this morning I had to rant.
Anyone else have a contender or another driving complaint?


  1. Sadly, most of the stuff you describe is typical city/commuter traffic ineptness, a pain in the neck, but nothing to compare with the world class levels of idiocy displayed by some of our european cousins when they get behind the wheel.
    One obvious example is italy, particularly around rome, where you can tell the age of a car by counting the bashes and where the lines on the road are clearly only intended as a rough guideline.
    On a 3 lane road, you will tend to end up with about 4-5 lanes of traffic (depending on hard shoulder availability) as people try to squeeze past each other and mixed in with all the lanes you will have every remaining gap filled by scooters.

  2. I don't commute drive and I'm so inexperienced with driving that I'm probably more concerned with my own shit than anyone else but I have to say down this neck of the woods I think people drive okay. I've not had that lane bother. Piss all accidents. Folks seem to let eachother out as necessary, flash folks on to let them through and all that.
    The only stuff I find a bit concerning is the excessive speeding. I don't really mean people doing 80 or something on the motorway. I mean when I'm doing 80 in my brand new car on average UK wet conditions or whatever and some thundercunt storms past in a car 15 years older than mine... there's just no way that's properly in control. Sure, fine, they remove themselves from the gene pool sooner or later but not before creating traffic delays for everyone else...
    The other amusing stuff I look out for is chavs and their large exhaust pipes. Righty oh pal, you've got a 1.6 ford bread van and you've put on some alloys and a comedy exhaust pipe. You must be fast as fuck! Hilarious!

  3. Its the focus. What you need is a car with a properly intimidating front that scares the rodents.

  4. Heh, try going driving in Rome. Or, for a true "omfg shit yerself" moment, drive round the Arc D'Triumphe. Nuts, mad and bonkers.