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Saturday 7 December 2002

The Legend [spiro]

Bored at work this morning (6:12am start) I came across the following text and just had to put it up. Its from the old EED webbie and written by Lurker.

The legend of Electric Sunday

It was a cold, wet and rainy night across the old world of Great Brittain. Huddled in dimly lit lairs backdropped by the ethereal glow of computer monitors, members of Clan Eat Electric Death huddled over keyboards ominous. Phosphor lit faces concentrated, brows furrowed and keyboards conversed in broken staccato taps.

Clan EED lurked in a communal IRC channel on the eve of the second match of the UKOFFL. Tension hung tangible across the electronic ether with fresh memory of the crushing defeat a week prior. The Lords of ruin, members of the exclusive High Voltage sect, gazed down at the Low Voltage minions in effort to select one worthy of making up the team. Knowledge weighed heavy that the wrong choice could cost the melee dear - the outcome was far from certain.

The electronic battlefield lay prepared as 4 members from clan Cows with Fluff and the ukccl div 1 Quake Gods UK Firm readied themselves to take on the Electic Ones. Suddenly a miracle was granted. The Doover did exclaim, 'DanDanger is online'. Information extracted from the most reliable source, that of the ubiquitous ICQ itself.

Bare minutes before the battle was due to commence, DanDanger did enter the IRC channel. It was almost too much to hope for. With DanDanger, Eat Electric Death could field it's three best warriors in the upcoming war. Minutes ticked down. DanDanger did not own the map of dm3. The Lurker shifted instantly to action and utilised ICQ to transfer the map to DanDanger with his ISDN. The EED rank and file cried, 'Come on Dan, get the map!' and 'Come on Dan, get the skins!'. Windows file requestors were urgently navigated, bytes transferred as the seconds counted down to the outbreak of war.

Then it was on. Mass joining of the server, members selected their skins - EED an appropriately charged ethereal green. Players test firing blasters in mock at opponents as the timer counted down to Armageddon.

With a blast of respawn whoosh, EED members were teleported into the fray. Honed Quake Gods warred, enhanced neurons firing efficiently to direct death at targets as left and right brain hemisphere's pre-calculated body and weapon trajectories with frightening accuracy. Hours of hard experience forging the axiom pathways into biological equivalents of pipelined branch prediction processors. Blood chemistry coursed with stimulants and neurochemical enhancers shaving off yet further microseconds from reaction times.

The Doover waded into action, laying the enemy low with a barrage of grenades around the densely populated and highly prized Rocket Launcher. DanDanger chopped through bodies in slow motion as his chain gun barrel hummed and spat dozens of molten lead death-giving bullets every second. VenusXL's deftly dropped in front of enemy clanners, wide grizzly maw grinning, stunning the victim as they come to realise their belly full of twin barrels of super shotgun pellets.

Then there was the Lurker. The Shrike of death, hissing electrodes from temple to ISDN adaptor directing uncanny carnage in wave after wave of weaponry discharges. One moment his Hyperblaster sang a whining song of destruction, leading underwater swimming player with near-psychic prediction leaving their sizzling sinking bodies for the catfish and crabs. Grenades, Rockets, Shotguns called out time after time to cut down the enemies with groans, exclamations of pain and yet another frag piling up on the scoreboard for Eat Electric Death.

15 minutes passed like an hour. In the brief recess, clans UKF and CwF surveyed their slaughter and breathed a fearsome sigh of horror at their casualties. All too soon the respite was over and the second wave of EED's withering assault was visited on the hapless clanners. The blaze of furious battle continued to the duration as UKF clawed back to a score saving grace while CwF crumpled under the barrage.

The match was over. The silence abrupt. The scoreboard appeared with nonchalant afront. It read; EED-213 UKF-171 CWF-110. It was a battle that had turned the tide of war. Whispers and rumours crept from modem to modem as the infamy of EED spreads to this day. None will forget the legend of Electric Sunday and now all Quake in fear of the clan known as Eat Electric Death.


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