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Saturday 17 April 2004

Wankers of the world unite and take over..... [houmous]

As you all know I like to keep up with cutting edge technology and new audio/visual experiences so, for 'research purposes' I recently acquired one of the new interactive virtual sex DVD’s. Donning my white coat I retired into my soundproof laboratory and inserted the DVD into my surgically sterilized PC.
My selection, purely by random, was Jenna Jameson, who greeted me with an invitation to play – amazingly she also knew my nickname 'Bigboy'. The DVD itself is nothing like a standard pr0n movie. Instead you simply see Jemma against a black background. When there is penetration *cough* you only see a small part of the penis – which is all obviously done to make a normal user i.e. someone who hasn’t bought it for research purposes like myself, to feel it is him who is doing the penetrating.
The DVD menu gives you a variety of options including foreplay, BJ’s, full sex, orgasm and my favourite, a 'talk nice or talk nasty' option. The foreplay and full sex options have four different positions to choose from and the continuity is quite good as you swap from one to the other, with large buttons that you can easily position your mouse over when only having one available hand.
While not particularly cheap the DVD is much cheaper than keeping a woman, so I have thrown Di out and now walk around my filthy house in a pair of stained underpants and a penis that looks like a deformed lobster claw.


  1. If you weren't beating off so furiously, you could have, of course, spelt weirdo correctly I guess.... :)

  2. You mean there's porn with actual penetration in it?

  3. We demand screenshots!

  4. Spiny's response is interesting in that he is presumably calling me a wierdo because I masturbate. I, on the other hand, would have said that someone that doesn't masturbate is far closer to the definition of a wierdo - I fact I would go as far as to say someone that didnt masturbate was actually a bit of a ...err.... wanker!

  5. I take pride in calling myself a member of this clan. Where others fall in line behind political correctness we stand on the barricades and fight for the truth. Houmous, you are nothing short of a Hero.

  6. Not at all H, & I didn't say a thing about what I did or didn't do. Whatever happened to jacking off over video cards anyway eh? go & get yourself some real pr0n in the form of a 6800 ;)

  7. Now that's weird :)