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Monday, 9 May 2005

Kill yer hampster! Get 2%! [Brit]

Oh how the world has changed...
Remember when YOU were doing exams? Come hell or high water, you sat them, you squirmed around a while, you scribbled some stuff, and you got out pronto chop chop. Exams were evil, grades were won and lost on skill, talent, the ability to weave your jumper into the complete works of Chaucer!
Not any more. Now our lovely cuddly everyone-wins-all-the-time society has decreed that kids should have every chance to get higher grades... how? by simply giving them the extra percent required!
See how to get more marks! - got a headache? have an extra 1%; did your bloody hampster die on the morning of your Math exam? HERE! HAVE 2% EXTRA!
Am I being unfair? Am I simply not seeing the problem, fixed by this innovative and just solution? Or have we reached the point where there is soon to be no point in even taking exams?


  1. I think this is an excellent way to prepare children for the realities of the world that we live in. After all, once they leave school and go to work for the Post Office, they can expect a wide range of benefits such as cars and foreign holidays in return for not pulling sickies all the time. Rewarding them with extra marks for coming to an exam after the traumatic death of a pet is a vital way to ease them into this system.
    No, wait: I think what I mean is "it's a load of fucking shit". Yes, those were the words I was looking for. Sorry for the earlier error, I had a headache so you should disregard the error and pretend it was correct.

  2. If Little Jonny is suffering from some sort of extreme trauma, is it not enough to set a date a week hence for him to get over it and resit the bloody exam? Why do we think need a quango of Labour buffoons deciding how many percent a hamster is worth?
    Of course we live in a country where Teachers are unable to discipline unruly students. Kids can take Teachers to court for "assault". Parents can sue the Headmaster for trivialities like telling Little Janine to stop dying her braids orange.
    It's all Nanny State lefty craziness. It's just not common sense and it's stupid.

  3. There's even more evidence that this represents the wishy-washy left bollocks that infests this country. Straight from the mouth of chief Assessment and Qualifications Alliance apologist Claire Ellis:

    "The number of extra marks available are actually rather small, and in most cases they do not change the final grade."

    In other words, we've done something very stupid but we've made the actual effect very minimal as a compromise. So why do it at ALL?