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Sunday 2 January 2005

The Electric Death Awards 2004 [Lurks]

Being a new year, I thought I'd do a quick poll of the clannies and come up with the first annual Electric Death Awards beginning for the year ending 2004. The main categories are Best Game Evar (sic) 2004, Worst Game Evar 2004, Best Album Evar 2004, Best Electronic Thinggy/Gadget/Toy Evar 2004 and a selection fo random comedy categories.
Without further ado, the results are as follows;
The Best Game Evar of 2004 Award goes to: Half-Life 2.
This was a unanimous verdict that probably echoes the PC gamers worldwide. A truly wonderful game although Slim admitted he hasn't finished it yet. It wasn't a bad year for games, all told, but Half-Life 2 simply eclipsed the competition to such an extent that this was the only unanimous category in the 2004 awards. One nominee, one winner, well done Valve.
The Worst Game Evar of 2004 Award goes to: Doom 3.
Clearly not the actual worst game of 2004 but this category also means the most disappointing game and on that front, Doom 3 let us all down with a lame effort from id that left us wishing that id had the slightest clue about game play to back up the eye candy. How the mighty have fallen.
The Best Film Evar of 2004 Award goes to: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
This was a close fought category since 2004 was a solid year for films but the Jim Carry starring ESofSM narrowly beat out Lord of the Rings - Return of the King, voted for by the more easily pleased of the Electric Death judging pannel. Man on Fire also was awarded a nomination but the genius of Eternal Sunshine was finally recognised by the high brow majority of the clan.
The Best Album Evar 2004 Award goes to: Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand.
Who'd have thought Glaswegians could make good rock music, let alone know the bloke wot got murdered to cause The Great War? The jocks surprise us on two fronts in this category to take out the Best Album Evar award. This category also, however, surprised in terms of the deeply suspect nominations from some of the more taste-limited members of the clan including Kings of Leon's latest and Kasabian. Aww bless.
The Best Electronic Thinggy/Gadget/Toy 2004 Award goes to: The Samsung 213T 21.3-inch TFT monitor.
A classic case of the stampede to buy the latest super-duper bit of expensive high-spec kit that yours-truly says is the the mutt's nuts, the Samsung 213T saw at least two other clanners pick one up for nearly eight hundred quid a shot, which goes to show - screens like this aren't for girls, right? Not all clanners could stretch to these heights though, the pauper contingents also nominated the thoroughly naff Sony Ericsson K700i mobile phone, some weird Thompson PVR thing no one has even heard of and perhaps most laughably of all, the bloody 12-inch Apple iBook. Ha!
And now for the comedy categories, of which there are plenty.
The "Biggest Waste of a LAN party seat" 2004 Award: Houmous (who played HL2 single player the whole weekend!)
The "I couldn't really give a shit but how could you be annoyed at me with such a puppy dog shitfaced smile on my face" 2004 Award: Lurks (After cross wiring Cat5 at AMLan whilst under the influence)
The "Best use of a regional accent to annoy the neighbours whilst intoxicated" 2004 Award: Sheddir, and everyone else for their subsequent impression of Shed (Glasgee!!! Ya fcukin bamma!! Hadaway n shite etc etc etc)
The "Being a Spoon and Coming to a LAN with no Intention of Bringing a PC" 2004 Award: Jay (Automatic winner for 2005 onward)
The "Worst alcohol-related suggestion" of 2004 Award: Amnesia for his "Let's pour bottles of Smirnoff ice into perfectly good pints of beer" suggestion.
The "Electric Death International Diplomacy" 2004 Award: Brit
The "Electric Death Stalker" 2004 Award: Billox (award to be discontinued after repeat category wins)
The "Electric Death Most Barking Mad Visitor to Web Site" 2004 Award: That bloke for steamrolling the laws of physics in the pursuit of the development of VTOL electric aircraft.
The "Best Dressed Gout Sufferer" 2004 Award: Amnesia
The "Most Contrary Cunt" 2004 Award: Skeeve (Also liable for discontinuation after repeat category wins)
The "Stop Shouting Cock" 2004 Award: Tied winners of Slim and honrary clan member/spouse Bloomers for her broadcasted views of our favourite "fucking little dick" via Teamspeak.


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