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Sunday 2 November 2003

Do The Right Thing [alfa]

So, im gonna get an axe. Not just any axe, but a huge fucking splitting maul.
The reason for this sudden interest in destructive woodland tools is of course tailgaters. I discovered that since the weather is utterly fucked up and i dont have the golfclubs in the trunk anymore i dont feel safe when i slam the breaks to warn some assprobing idiot behind me. There could be several pissed off dopeheads in it, so i need something to guide them to better manners with if an accident occurs. And what could be better than some very sharp, very heavy metal mounted on a piece of prime hickory? Exactly.
I was considering a baseballbat, and i even looked at those lovely cricketbats, but decided that they just dont have what it takes to deter morons. There is always the possibilty that this happens at night, and the above mentioned weapons just aint shiny enough. So an axe it is, and splitting mauls doubles as sledgehammers, so if the subjects are unwilling to understand the seriousness of the situation you can whack em gently on the legs and imobilise them without any blood. Which is a good thing.
I also plan to get one for me apartment, opening the door naked with one over the shoulder should put me on the jehovas witness blacklist for life.


  1. Driving along the M1 today, pretty heavy with traffic, 50mph maybe, BMW 5-series on my tail cuts to the inside, cuts me up, then to get round the next guy swings TWO LANES LEFT, cuts him up at silly speed, then swings back out wide.
    No fucking indicators obviously. That would be asking too much of some people.

  2. I was coming down the M1 this afternoon too. Think I saw the same tosser.