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Friday 30 January 2004

BBC cannibalism shocker [lurks]

A senior source within the BBC told Clan EED that the top management of the public broadcaster regularly engage in heinous acts of cannibalism. He went on to say that junior staffers and cleaning staff, often temps from ethnic minorities, have repeatedly gone missing and these reports coincide with special BBC Comedy Club events. These events, our source alleges, are little more than a front for murder and acts of cannibalism!
These unspeakable acts apparently occur in the secret tunnels beneath the archives of Bush House. Clan EED refuses the name the reputable source but assures readers that these are the words of a senior official with the codename of Greggie Poos.
To provide further proof of these startling allegations, this reporter visited Bush house and confronted the BBC Press Secretary, Sir Alastair Preece.

EED Reporter: 'We have evidence that BBC management have been murdering and eating junior staff at the 'Comedy Club' events.'
Sir Preece: 'Lies!'
EED Reporter: 'No, really. Your bosses have been chowing down on the cleaners.'
Sir Preece: 'This is absolutely rubbish, the BBC is the World's finest broadcasting institution and we have vigorous internal regulatory mechanisms to make sure that no one gets eaten.'
EED Reporter: 'We have hard evidence. We have a source. Speaking of which, what sauce do you use? What goes best with HUMAN MEAT?'
Sir Preece: 'This must be some sort of joke. We would never eat the cleaners, they'd taste of bleach!'
EED Reporter: 'Oh come on, you've had a nibble yourself, admit it!'
Sir Preece: 'Absolute nonsense, I protest!'
EED Reporter: 'Why is someone dragging a bloody sack up the stairs over there then?'
Sir Preece: 'That's... um, that's raw meat for um Sir David Attenborough. He prefers his steak rare, you see.'
EED Report: 'Your having a laugh! I put it to you that it's another murder victim and his genitals are destined for autie's cafe!'
Sir Preece: 'Security!'
EED Reporter: 'Is this due to the unique way the BBC is funded?'

So there you have it. What was once the bastion of British journalism is now a degenerative festering cesspit of cronies, standing shoulder to shoulder to defend the most disgusting and evil acts. Ultimately it is us that has allowed this to happen, by funding their perversions with our licensee fee.
Yet Clan EED has lifted the lid on this sordid den of satan-worshipping man-eaters once and for all. You heard it here first.


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