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Monday 7 June 2004

Free G [am]

Had to do an all too rare slope out of the office today to be lunched by an accountancy firm who do 3 courses and a couple of glasses of wine in their corp-rot hostility rooms overlooking the Belfast and the Tower of London. Not bad really, if not quite as fun as working for a UK house as I used to where you used to get absolutely ratted at lunch on incredibly good wine as a matter of course.
Anyway I digress.
On the way back I noticed that the whole of Canary Wharf underground had been plastered with the new vodafone standalone 3g connection pc card. And shall I remind those of you who ain't been there, this is one *aircraft hanger* of a tube station. We are talking a lot of ads.
So about 30 minutes later I have teh card. Why? Ahhh cos it's fucking kit. Also, in the time honoured format of self justification (aka I bought the pc to do home finance honey) it's also the case that I was spending too much on data via my gprs phone connect and this way I get half a gig a month for £45. Look it didn't haven't to be good, it just had to rock.
So first impressions? It's fucking large. It's fucking red. It's got fucking vodafone written all over it. And the hysterical warning in the manual 'don't paint the modem'. Fucking fucking fucking fucking cuntfaced fucking vodawank fuckface branding ubiquity flaptwats.
Other than that, the G3 is available only in major towns. Where it is it speed tested at 474 kbps. Now that's fucking quick for mobile. God knows what it's doing by way of roasting your nuts / wrists / bonce.
The GPRS fallback where you are out of G3 coverage (like home on the coast here) on the Tr1mp is annoying because it has the GSM (ta slim) interference problem where it buzzes your speaker on your lappie despite it being totally muted.
Other than that, the single most Lame thing about the package (make that laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame in the voice of the lurker) is that the first time I hit the connect shortcut I got the following message ; 'Your desktop must be in 96dpi to run vodafone connect' followed by a total close down. After several pieces of fucking around and a call to tech support it became clear that my custom 107dpi setup on the tr1mp simply didn't conform to 'check dpi = 96' setting. Got nothing to do with res or owt else just some fucking gimp coding that said 'if it's not 96 dpi I won't launch the proprietary {and incredibly crap looking useless} connection interface'. Utterly, utterly fucking pointless absolute fucking crap shit total bollocks coder affects the world with a theory that pointless pointless pointless total shit non concern somehow affects his non-browser non-resizeable total shit design. MAKE IT IN A BROWSER YOU CUNT!!!!!
I really can't believe that a company like this can launch a product with such a totally bollocks piece of shit in the code. All that investment and this laughable non-relevant restriction.
Suffice it say, when 'technical support' came back after 5 minutes of talking to 'specialist support' they said 'apparently it's identified as a fix for our next release in october'. Course it is you twats. I hope you kicked the flap's cunt in at the same time.
Summary; Great product for big cities on 3G. Fast fast download. Small twattery factor of initial software. Nice for stress-relieving on your favourite blog ;)


  1. Hmm. 45 quid a month? That's ... at the upper end of a home broadband. You can buy at least a Mb for that. You get half a GB of data instead? Hmm, you'd want to be quite desperate it strikes me?

  2. Yeah true 'nuff. It's clearly focused on the mobile traveller and premium priced at that. In my case our internet stuff at work is utterly locked down. No IRC, no forums, no webmail. Therefore it's the price I pay to stay in contact with the crosshatch and personal mail. Gawd knows you're hardly worth it :)

  3. I've been looking at 3G data services for some time now, because I end up paying silly money for wireless hotspot access most months, and it'd probably be cheaper for me to have a 3G access system that I can use when in airports or whatever.
    As luck would have it, my sojourn in the Sarf of Franceland last week caused me to meet up with a chap from New Zealand who'd been involved in building the data security system for 3 (or Three, or whatever you want to call them - the Hutchinson crowd), who confirmed what I'd suspected but which repeated calls to clueless idiots at their support centre had failed to ascertain; namely that there's no way to get yourself a bog-bloody-standard data connection over the 3 network, and you can only use the lightning fast speeds to access their wanky bespoke content. So that's a bit shit then.
    Vodafone are taking the direct opposite approach (oddly for the people who brought you the syphilitic pile of shite that is Vodafone Live) and just giving you a fat connect to the Internet with as little cocking around as possible. Which is great... But one other suspicion was also confirmed. The card which Gareth describes is, in fact, the only way to access this service; a standard 3G phone with a bluetooth link to your laptop won't suffice. Which is, of course, spectacularly useless when your laptop doesn't have a PCMCIA slot in it... Or, for that matter, if you fancy using the system from a PDA, which is likely to be a more common complaint (my Powerbook doesn't have a PCMCIA slot but I realise that the vast bulk of PC laptops do).
    Nice one Vodafone. Arsewits!

  4. Gnnnng! Did the 3 chappie say whether they are going to offer a data package? They've got to some time, Orange, Vodafone and t-mobile are all trialing/launching 3G data-based products... I just wish they'd get a move on... and not charge £45 a month for it neither.

  5. Sodding Vodafone titheads im over 18 and dont have a credit card but because of vodafone access control i cant got to the url on my computer. well i think i'll join up with someone else the stoopid gits

  6. Sorry - I thought we all had one of these, otherwise I would have done a blog earlier :-) I've got an Orange one - its free ( work gave it to me) and I can now do loads of emails real time sitting in motorside cafes.
    Remember you cant stand in the way of progress!

  7. Fuck you you asshole

  8. Bonjour je suis sur ton blog et je vais le pourrire de conneries : Dick piss fuck cunt wank arse ggg spunk fuck fuck fuck shit on your face crap asshole brownstar

  9. That's not terribly bright. We log the IPs of posters. So now what we're going to do is report you for abuse to your isp and you lose your internet connection. Tant pis eh fuckface :)