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Monday 4 October 2004

Old Age EED - go where!? [Brit]

Contrary to this blog by Lurker I am willing to bet that some of EED will reach (au/o)ld age.
Exceptions To The Statement
Amnesia (selling his heart instead of buying a new one), Lurker (one festival too many), Slim (neurological damage due to head slappage), Jay (what speed limi...).
Given that a significant percentage have hit mid thirties some time ago, it won't be too long until the grim reaper either taps a chap, or lets him sink slowly into beige oblivion.
The question is of course, where would an OAP EED possibly go? Traditionally, old folk are bundled off to a red bricked out of town facility (a "residential home") that handily has a chapel and industrial oven in situ.
Or, they are inflicted upon any member of the family with a spare bedroom and little to no stairs until such time as they simply give up watching day time TV and roast alive underneath knitted goodwill jumpers and boil-in-the-bag meals. Bungalow residents beware!
Even worse of course, they are instantly treated as though they are somehow incontinent, stupid, ignorant, and incapable of doing anything themselves. I for one would not like to be in the shoes of the orderly or other jobsworth who tries to take the bottle of bubbly away from my clannies (all EED come complete with a Krug Approved MediCare plan for those Americans reading).
How do you see yourselves spending your twilight years? Aging (dis)gracefully? Where can I buy a broadband enabled coffin? My personal intent is face down in a swimming pool of vodka at my Manhatten apartment, naked and painted orange.


  1. I would like to think that my youth has prevented me from any chance of hitting 65. I used to have this excellent plan for going off. Naked on a motorcycle in the wrong lane travelling at some 200 km/h straight into a truck. You know it makes sense, not only is it a proper rush before you die, but you traumatise a truckdriver aswell. Other favorites are to parachute naked over a city without a parachute, stepping out infront of a train etc etc.
    The most important thing is that you suicide, and you MUST leave a note where you blame someone. Another thing is that you really should be naked, and fat. Say you realise that the end is coming in the next couple of years. Gain Weight, alot. A fat naked old body surely must be the worst to take care of.
    But of course, at 70 a cocaine overdose in thailand surrounded by young flesh would be rather cool :)

  2. I thought I'd just top myself but... wont massively multiplayer games be what we're all doing when we're retired?

  3. Rofl, yeah right. Slim will be going to flowergardens under the watchful eye of his mistress Linda. The rest of us will be hunting young girls and/or boys in the future bangkok with permanent viagra hardons :)
    Shhhh, keep the dream alive!

  4. This is Beej, checking for SRI...