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Monday 21 July 2003

Extracting the French [drdave]

I just emailed the Secretary for Culture, Ms Tessa Jowell regarding this story:
In my email I requested the following changes to the english language:
'Café' to be immediately substituted for the more Anglo-friendly 'Food Shack'. 'Deja Vu' to be phased out over a period of six months and replaced by the far more culturally correct 'Spidey Sense'. 'Menage á Trois' shall henceforth be only referred to as 'Daddy Gonna Get Two Bags of Sugar, you dig?'. Au Pair will become 'daddy's afternoon off'.


  1. I cannot tell a lie. Dave didn't post this, I did. See, the evidence that implicates me is there... its badly written, badly formatted. In short, I suck.
    Hell, I'll probably even find a way to publish the password in this simple comment, such is my suckage.
    And while we're being honest about things, I also like animals. Goats mainly, but sometimes otters. Pity me.

  2. Actually, you're right Slim, I couldn't have posted that, because it's funny and I'm not. I wish I was you mate, all manly and surrounded by hordes of admiring women. You beat them off with a shitty stick, while I have to travel to Russia with my chequebook. How can I change? How can I be more like you, you big love god?

  3. 'The French'. An interesting concept, granted, but with such fundamental flaws as to invalidate even the most reluctantly issued approval. Personally speaking, they should now proceed with rewriting their entire language to maintain it's delicate sensitivities, given their desire to maintain linguistic isolationism.
    I therefore propose that all national railway stations in the UK are renamed to reflect glorious British military victories over our odd Gallic compadres; the problem being however, that we'll have to start building enormous numbers of new stations.

  4. Well in fairness the UK terminus for the only line that goes directly to France is called Waterloo. They had a bleat about it too. Hahaha! Shut up Froggy or we'll slap a new station on the line a tad closer to Paris and call it Agincourt.