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Monday 18 August 2003

DVD Movie Review; Jul/Aug 2003! [brit]

Yes, I've been watching rather a lot of DVDs recently; well, it's either that or wank myself to sleep, and I can hardly do *that* at lunchtime...
Star Trek : Nemesis
I was expecting a lot from this film, and it's spot on. This is the last installment of the Star Trek Next Generation franchise, with the Picard 'family' stretching their spandex jumpsuits for the final time.
It is *amazing* to see how they've all changed since the first episode of the STNG series (Encounter at Farpoint) - and this film has a number of good things going for it.
Firstly, it's not directed by Jonathan Frakes (Cdr. Riker) - it's directed by a proper bloke who has brought a fresh pair of eyes to the ST universe. Secondly, it's got a great storyline, which granted is typically ST (Good vs Evil blah blah) but it's rip roaring stuff and the effects are stunning.
7/10 - Grab this, if only to complete your collection.
Johnny English
'The only thing the French should be allowed to host, is an invasion'.
God this is predictable, and purchased for two readily identifiable reasons; #1 I'm in love (utterly smitten) with the Aston Martin Vanquish in the film - and #2, pity. Abject pity that people actually make this stuff.
It's actually quite slick in terms of 'feel' - but really, it's yet another film where the 'jokes' are only made 'funny' by the lead actor's amusing (hur hur) rubber facial features; in this case Rowan Atkinson.
John Malcovich raises a grin with quite the most obviously dismal French accent in the history of celluloid.
4/10 - Grab, if you're desperate.
Our favourite moody mofo (Clint Eastwood) is in what promises to be an interesting crime caper; but let's face it, within 10 minutes you've sussed what the novel plot twist is (trust me, it's about as novel as sliced bread) and it then becomes a tedious foray into detective work and catching the 'evil' villain.
All in all, not exactly worth the effort if only because Bravo chucks out old episodes of Ironside and that thing with Raymond Burr in, and they are at least mentally taxing for longer than it takes to boil a kettle.
4/10 - Grab, if you can't find a copy of Johnny English, and you're desperate.
The Transporter.
This film is fucking awesome. The blokey in it can't act of course, but he doesn't have to - he's a hard as nails 'no questions asked' transporter of goods; and has the icy cool demeanour and er (required I guess) 'military background' to carry it off.
Snappy suits, cracking action (and I do mean cracking; EED will LOVE the overkill-house-destruction sequence) and lots and lots of car orientated chase stuff, and you've got yourself a winner.
8/10 - Yes. Get this. Ask NO questions. Get it now.
Phone Booth.
Mmm, this promised so very much, and in fact delivers about as much as a chinese firework; impressive idea, but fizzles pretty much from the moment he gets caught in the 'booth - nowhere near enough 'get inside the mind of the naughty sniper blokey' stuff, nor for that matter, enough of anything that makes you want to punch the air and scream for joy.
Fairly run of the mill film chucked out by Schumacher, presumably to fill a hole in the studio schedule.. nice to see Forrest Whittaker again though; a much underused actor I feel.
5/10 - Really, its a film that is best described as 'inoffensive'.
Dare Devil.
This film is incomparably shit. Do not buy this DVD.
1/10 - Ben Affleck cannot act. Another Marvel franchise, and it fucking sucks.


  1. Johnny English - not as bad as all that really. Took my 12 year old pseudo nipper to see it, and we both enjoyed it.
    If you want a DVD though, 24 season 2 was released this week.

  2. Ah lord Chris..
    Nemisis was the biggest pile of poo Ive seen in a long time. Utter Pony, as they would say at Chelsea..

  3. I couldn't even finish watching Jonny English, I thought it was dire beyond belief. Rowin Atkinson in Not Funny shocker? Sad but true. Even the uber babe Natalie Imbruglia couldn't make me watch it.
    Then again, I really wasn't much taken with Nemesis either but then it's just a Star Trek film so low expectations. A popcorn muncher I at least watched to the end.
    Anyhow, surely if one, ahh, bats from the other end of the pitch so's to speak, then Ben Afleck can't be all bad? :)

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