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Monday 4 August 2003

Too much duck, not enough sauce! [brit]

I'm a big fan of chinese food - there is to my mind nothing better than a 4 pack of Stella and half a peking duck with all the associated pancake orientated paraphenalia..
Yet seemingly, no chinese restaurant can accurately calculate the duck meat to plum sauce equation; throw in the cucumber and spring onion variable and we're facing gastranomic calculus meltdown.
I've found a new chinese delivery service; Four Corners.. swanky menu pops through the door, and it does seriously nice stuff for reasonable prices and best of all, instant card payment (you wouldn't believe how many times I've had to go through the whole 'VISA? whats that then?' debarcle).
Yet even these fellows, with their authentic cooking (it is in fairness seriously tasty) cannot achieve the proper duck to sauce to pancake ratio; half way through my chinese & stella & Blackhawn Down dinner marathon last night, I ran out of sauce!
We can put men on the moon, lay cables across the world's oceans and split the atom, but we can't work out how much plum sauce to deliver.. or alternatively, we end up with an ocean of sauce and a duck which looks more like a charred pigeon carcass..
Is there no end to my torment!?


  1. You quack me up, raving over such a poultry issue. And Stella Artois with Chinese? That's fowl!

  2. Too true. When it comes to beer with chinese food, Tsing Tao is clearly at the top of the peking order.

  3. This has always been a bone (get it?) of contention in the Houmous household - my local chinese (which you will visit if you come to my LAN party hehe ) now automatically give me extra pancakes.
    We had a showdown about 10 years ago when I lived about 5 miles away ( I live round corner now ) and got home with a takeaway to find they had forgotten to put any pancakes in. I rang and demanded they send pancakes round in taxi FOC because it had ruined my evenings enjoyment and I was too emotionally distressed to drive (I was in fact too pissed).
    When they refused I said I would return but wanted another 10 pancakes and another half a duck - on arrival I snatched pancakes and duck and when it became clear they were not going to let me have the duck free ran off down the street giggling with small chinese man chasing me.
    Fortunately I have had other incidents with them (when you get bored ask me to tell you the coming out of the restaurant toilet dressed in kitchen roll as a mummy waving a chinese chopping knife I had picked up in the kitchen story - you will be even more bored :-) ) so they tend to eventually forgive me and let me back - the thing is they do a bloody good chinese!