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Thursday 22 May 2003

Mens Bodycare products... [houmous]


Difficult one this...I don't want to end up being forced to wear a 'special' arm patch in RS or anything but I would be interested in other peoples views on the above subject.....as I unpack my latest purchases from Malaga airport duty-free (see below)
When I was married I took a wholesome manly approach to noncey things like skin care. Shower gel? What's wrong with a bit of bloody soap! I would laugh derisorily at my mates on windsurfing hols rubbing moisturiser and other 'girls' products on themselves at the end of the day. I was a bloke right? We were meant to have manly rough skin right?
OK I would get itchy flaking skin on my hips and arms every winter, dry patches on my face and big wrinkly bags round my eyes but that was old age.....and, yeah, my face had that rugged elephant look but so did lot of film stars!
When I got divorced and met Di 6 years ago she was horrified about my lack of personal interest in skincare. I discovered that the itchy skin problem I had had for years went in a few weeks after I started using proper moisturiser shower gel. I found I was permanently dehydrated and increasing my daily water intake had an amazing effect on my appearance - from there it was just a matter of time before I hit the slippery slope to 'mens facial products' - Clinque saleswomen now rub their hands in glee as they see me approaching. Time spent in airport terminals is now not complete without a trip to the Biotherm Homme counter....hehe.
Now maybe you are all going to say you are a knob-end Houmous and we sussed all this years ago..but if you aren't and you don't believe me then go and buy a Clinque or Biotherm can of shaving gel (yes I know its not cheap but you're worth it! ) and compare it to the normal crap you use everyday. For the ultimate test get something like Biotherm Aquapower ultra hydratant (no I don't know what that means either) and slap it on your boatrace and tell me that doesn't feel wonderful!
I shall now retire to a place far away from any trees with branches at suitable lynching height......
p.s. I just opened my new Gillette mach 3 TURBO shaver and am pleased to announce you really can shave against the grain without it giving you a rash! I'm so happy!

47 comments:

  1. Are you one of those faygots? Great, so am I! I suffer badly from dry skin, and have pretty much resigned to using moisturising cream after I wash myself. I've not tried the clinque stuff though, so ta for the tip. Is it big wonga?
    Electric shavers suck arse though, especially for someone who gives a shit about their skin.

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  2. Slim, lets face it, you're gonna need a whole lot more than some clinquefacial cream. But for those of you that can't afford that stuff can Irecommend King Of Shaves K series (for sensitive skin) Quite possible thebest shaving gel I've ever used. Also if you do get irritated skin afterthen there is nothing wrong with Nivea for Men After shave balm.

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  3. The Nivea shaving foam / gel is good stuff too. Moisturises as it goes on n stuff.

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  4. As a rule I've not used anything like all proper men. And then eczema decended on me with a vengeance. If I don't regularly wash my face and every couple of days dose it with a nizoral cream and use moisturises the rest of the time, it flares up into disgusting red itchy and flakey welts. So, I have a medical reason. The rest of you are clearly faygots :)

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  5. Did I mention I shave with a Machete !

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  6. Ahh! So that's why your face looks like that! It's all becoming clear...

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  7. I had to take a blade to my face, whats your excuse ?

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  8. Mmmmm... I see I'm not totally alone then! and good to do a blog that leads to so much healthy debate haha! Is that King of Shaves stuff the oil based one? I used to use that and it is good but when I shave my head with it it gets in my contact lens and makes them all cloudy...sigh...

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  9. King of Shaves has tea tree oil in it and some aloe. I know they do shavingoil as well, different product to the one I'm talking about thought. Iwouldn't suggest the mentholated version for shaving your head thought,especially as you get it in your eyes :-)

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  10. shaving? well, lotta got me this phillips beard trim thing, and if you remove the distance shit up top you can shave with it. sure it aint that close 'he will never get a rash from your harsh breard on his sack again' shave, but its good enough for me. the whole shaving issue is a major fuckup, im on the taliban side on this one, i just do it so i wont have to listen the womans bl33t.
    moisturisers? creams? whats next, you gonna shave your legs???
    fucks sake.

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  11. southern, shandy drinking *moisteurising* poofters.

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  12. I use that King Of Shaves oil stuff. The first oil one was called summit like Kensington Oil or summit. Really good...leaves you all tingley...just like rubbing a fresh chilli in after ya shave!

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  13. Slim said:> I suffer badly from dry skin, and have pretty much resigned> to using moisturising cream after I wash myself.
    For Gods sake man, can you not see the problem here ? You need to use moisturiser AFTER YOU WASH YOURSELF. If you didn't wash yourself, you wouldn't need moisturiser :-)
    Anyway, for the record, I use any old crappy razer, some bog standard shaving soap, and shave against the grain, and still have no rash. And the last time I washed my face was probably while I was still a teenager and had spots. I do concede to having a shower most days, and wearing anti-perspirant deodorant, because in a hot office there is nothing worse than a smelly programmer. But the rest can go fuck :-)

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  14. And you all wonder why you have to either live down South or exiled on Leperman Island.... BENDERS!
    I never wash my face.I wash my hair every time I shave my head - say once every 5-6 weeks, but only to get the fine shavings out of my hair.. no other girly reasons, and I might indeed use the wiffs expensive shampoo... but it's not for girly reasons. If I had my way I'd use Alberto Balsam's Scorched Earth Napalm - for troublesome hair shampoo, but then I'd have to spend money on bender-products and that ain't happening Bubb.
    I never shower.I never moisturise.I shave my face with my head shaver without the guard... again every six weeks.
    I *did* attempt a couple of wet shaves last month, the first of the Millennium and it doth suck. I shaved and shaved and shaved with a free Gillette Mach3 that came thru' the post, and I still could feel roughness along my jaw line. I used some nice Bodyshop for Men Shaving Cream I'd had since I was a boy, it's good stuff, man. After that debacle, I resigned myself to never trying again.
    I bath once every two days.I use a roll-on deodorant daily.
    There, I've admitted it. I'm a bender too.
    :)

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  15. You sound smelly :)

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  16. You fucking *benders*In fact, let's say that again for the record: You fuckingcreampuff Cliff Richard Barbara Cartland Liberace rosy jizz faced fucking *benders*

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  17. .... with added wings.

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  18. I thought you ugly northern types washed once a year ?

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  19. Bloody hell... they told me this was an all-gay clan, but I never really understood the *depth* of faggotry until now... and you must all fucking stink to boot!
    I have a shower every morning, using Gillette Shower Gel (saves having seperate soap and shampoo in me washkit when I go away), followed by a shave using Gillete Shave Gel and a Mach 3 Turbo... truly the king of all razors. None of this skin-friendly moisturising faygottry for me!

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  20. I shave with Nivea Sensitive Gel; and a Wilkinson Sword uber job. I then apply a small amount of E45 cream, followed by a small amount of cocoa and aloe based 'face defense' (from the Boots Man Mechanics range). This serves two purposes; replenish the skin with serious amounts of moisture - wet shaving no matter what the adverts say, is a daily evil - and ensures that I look sufficiently alive to conduct myself during the day...
    Why?
    Well because it makes my skin feel much better. Have you any idea just how much shit sticks to your face just by walking around London? it isn't healthy; and frankly, I'm going gray - this I can live with. Having a face like Judith Chalmers at 26 is a complete no no.
    So fnar.

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  21. Yes, but you are a bender :)

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  22. Sensor excell and Asda own make foam. Straight on with the cold water when you're done. Oh I've been told not to shave the heads off any spots, but I think it's an old wives tale. Easier than popping them!

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  23. I cant be a BENDER - I dont use a MAC!

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  24. Thanks to the Houlan, the opportunity arose to gather evidence of the disturbing use of men's facial products. I'm afraid it's all true. He even squirted some of the stuff onto my had to rub into my chin. Being an open minded sort of bloke, I gave it a go. Instantly my chin was transformed into the chin of a woman. Sad days, my friends, sad days!

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  25. Every once in a while. Like the anniversary of a traumatic national event I'd like to resurrect this bl0g and shake my head sadly it ever happened on this board.
    /me shakes head and remembers quietly

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  26. At the risk of being branded a raving bender (again), I have more content to add to this blog.
    Recently, a mate of mine commented on the fact that occasionally (often, but not exclusively, when I've shaved in about 30 seconds while nursing a hangover) I seem to rip my face to shreds while performing said daily ablution.
    As a possible solution to this dilemma, he suggested that rather than using shaving gel, I try a shaving brush and glycerin based shaving soap. I have just finished my first gel-free shave, and I have to say, the results are looking promising.
    No cuts, a very smooth shave, and no gunk building up on the edge of the razor blade. Extra man points for using such an anachronistic accessory as a shaving brush, and as an added bonus, I get to reaffirm my student status by mentioning that a brush + soap bowl cost about £7 total, and the soap will last you about a year. Bargain! Next, mastering the art of using a cutthroat...

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  27. A year! So will the blade. After all, it's only bumfluff at your age.

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  28. Couldn't you just stick your head out of the window in a strong wind Muz?

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  29. I'm going to shave my head again.

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  30. Have any of you seen that advert for the new Sky weekend proggie called Everyone's a Bender, or something?
    It's got an extraordinarily camp Fat Barry bloke, singing a song about men's facial products and stuff. It make me smile and think you all... naked.

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  31. Jebus weeps his translucent tears of pain onto the rose-washed hands of angels that THIS FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS ABOMINATION HAS RISEN AGAIN!!!
    Now seriously, what part of 'you fucking doily-foil-clad lube-gagging utter mincing camp screamers' do you not understand?
    That this blog has been resurfaced is nothing but the shame and loathing of being in this clan. As before, I stand silent, remembering men who were all huff and no puff.
    GAH!

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  32. I use the Mach 3 razor and was sick and tired of buying expensive blades. Yes, its a great shave but at what cost? My friend recently bought edgesaver to increase the life of the razor and claims it works well. Do any of you have experience or know of anyone that has used edgesaver for extending blade life? Please reply…

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  33. How is that skin rash Am? :-)
    I've got to talk to one of my employees next week about body odour ( I didnt do anything about the first two complaints but after after the third...). I'm afraid modern society will no longer tolerate huff with no puff.
    On a brighter note I am very pleased with my new luminous green mach 3 wet razor complete with battery operated vibrating thingee, which you will no doubt have seen in the shops...no idea if I get a closer shave but who cares - its so kewl!
    I thought edgesavers were something to do with snowboarding but I will now go and investigate. :-)

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  34. I suppose at your advanced age Hou your skin is as thin as lurks tolrance levels.
    Better get the most sympathetic hair removal tech known to man!

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  35. Anyone tried a shaving "gel"? It defintely helps me see what I am shaving rather than surprizing me with whatever blood or clean skin I expose when I shave with foam. I've only really tried this stuff from SHARPS called kidglove shave gel and it does the trick quite nicely. you can get it here www.sharpsusa.com

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  36. you should try gillete aftershave for women, works great miracles for men as well hehehe

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  37. i should get me some of those benders, anyone got any clue as to how you can get rid of acne so that I CAN FINALLY shave properly?

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  38. Lurk!
    More pleasantly, since this is something I went through as a teenager, go and see your doctor. No, really. He / she can prescribe stuff from lightweight to serious creams but more importantly pills. At the top end, there is a really serious zit-kicking course of treatment that lasts about 6 months which will dry them up for life. Friend of mine had chronic acne and we eventually persuaded him to see the doc. 8 months later not a zit on his face.

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  39. I prefer a shave cream because i can easily see where the blade has been. The one i've been using is men-u. you can get it here: www.men-uusa.com

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  40. I personally am ready to give up on shaving and grow a full beard.
    It doesn't matter what products I use, a small 2" round patch on the right hand side of my neck ends up raw and bloody every time. And believe me, I've tried everything except laser hair removal and neck replacement.
    Bah. Humbug.

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  41. Ask Ollie to stop noshing on your neck in the middle of the night.
    Alternatively, you should try hair removal or neck replacement?

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  42. Right, with fathers' day coming up it's time this thread was resurrected:
    I'm asking the missus for a selection of stuff from here. Top of the list being a nice badger hair shaving brush.
    Huzzah for the Gentleman's Crabtree & Evelyn!!
    I'll report back with scars (or not) in a month or so.

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  43. ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!111

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  44. This is the place you want here for your ultimate moisturiser pleasure!

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  45. Okay, I don't want to recommend a moisturiser because I'm not a raving metro (cf. homo!) but I will push the boat out and recommend a shower gel because normally I couldn't give a shit for shower gel but by a twist of fate now I do!
    The magic is called Radox Daily Elements Mineral Shower Scrub (warning - evil flash site alert!). It has one USP, which has me hook, line and sinker: it has little pieces of sand in it that feel sooooooo goooooooood when rubbed on the skin. Possibly sand, possibly gravel. They say "beads". Meh. Either way, its not just slimey stuff, its some sort of manly scrub. Rarr!

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  46. "twist of fate", does that include enormous amounts of beer, a blackout and waking up with a smeary aching arse?

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